The saga begins. A few months ago I finally convinced Jill that we needed broadband access in the home as a consolation for not being able to move into a larger place (we have lived in a one-bedroom condominium for the last four years). I first checked Verizon to see if we could get DSL, but our phone number was in the coverage area, which left us with only one choice, Starpower, who had wired our building for full cable services this past spring. After dithering about which package to get, I settled on the combo high-speed Internet access and phone service, figuring that I could then cancel both my current local phone service from Verizon and my Netcom (now Earthlink) dial-up account. The date for installation was set for July 29.

Five days later, Verizon calls me up at home out of the blue. "Would you like DSL service," the salesman asks.

"Why, yes, but your Web site says that you don't offer that for my phone number," I politely inform him, preparing to hang up.

"Oh, let me check--no, we definitely can offer you service."

"That's too bad. You should have called a week ago. I've already ordered cable Internet from Starpower." Again, I prepare to hang up.

"That's perfect! I can offer you thirty-days free service and you can compare them against each other."

I'm not making this up, and what's more, it sounded like a deal. I hadn't had to sign any year-long contracts with Starpower, Verizon was giving me a month free, what did I have to lose? As anyone who knows about trying to get broadband access in D.C., that's a stupid question to ask.

Last Friday, the Verizon package arrived with the DSL filters and the Westall modem. The day before I received an email saying that my line would be DSL ready after 6 p.m. on Wednesday, July 24, 2002. That was about three hours ago. I got home a little before 6, connected all the filters, plugged in the modem, and the Ethernet cable, and then sat and watched the ready light blink. Bad sign. The ready light is supposed to stay solid. Looking over the docs, it says that if it's blinking, its configuring its parameters. Okay, sounds fine, I'll do something else. An hour later, it's still blinking. I call Verizon and inform the technical consultant. (I ask him one thing that had been bothering me before we get into the below. You see, our condominium was built in the 1950s, so we have a house phone that is "hardwired." For you young-uns, that means it ain't go no jack. This phone is an intercom to the front desk as well as an outside line. The technician misunderstands me slightly. "Hardwired?" he says, "Who are you? Batman?")

"Do you have it in a splitter?" he asks.

I surely do. I direct connect it. Still blinkie blinkie.

"Do you have another phone jack you can try."

I certainly do. I ask him if he can hold for three-to-five minutes that it will take me to string a phone line from the living room to the bedroom. "All I've got is time," he says. Maybe you do, buddy, but not me.

I hook it up to the other jack and the ready light continues its unwavering persistence in blinking instead of deciding on a solid state.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Engel-Cox--I tried to stop you before you went to do that just now. I'm looking at your record and it says that your service ready date has been postponed until the 5th. I'm sorry about that."

Me, too. I'm still on dial-up. It should be interesting to see how the Starpower installation goes on Monday.